How bad does it hurt the first time, anyways? I’m sick of being the only virgin in the group. Maybe meeting this guy is the answer to all of my problems.
– Manolo in Volume 1 , struggling with his chastity.
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The last time that I met with Manolo, Sam was convincing him to try online dating. Even though I know what Sam does on there, I didn’t disagree. Poor guy, Manolo. I am well aware of his personal dilemma with his virginity. When I met him, he had a purity ring around his finger, which noticeably he is not wearing anymore. Doubting himself, he is. It’s fantastic that he’s managed to remain faithful to his belief, good for him, but while I certainly appreciate the self-respect song he used to sing, he was bound to struggle with it if he’s only getting into the game now. What is particularly alarming to me is that he’s taking dating advice from Sam.
Abstaining versus desires versus dating versus expectations. That’s what is going on in his mind. Of course he’ll figure it how but it's bound to be conflicting. He might get lucky… who knows? Younger with the innocent mind of kids, chasteness can easily remain untested when holding hands is kind of a big deal. You know, when most haven’t done much more than kiss and tell they love each other long before getting to the naked stuff. So where does he start and what is the absolute best advice that I can give my friend? I don’t want to discourage and I don’t want to pretend either.
It’s tricky because when it comes to online profile, mentioning his abstinence will absolutely attract attention from the wrong people and I am left to wonder how he'll differentiate what is normal and acceptable from suitors over what is not if he’s been so prudish. In the Little Red Riding Hood tale, the little girl, innocent and full of great intentions, walked all the way to her grandma without the conscience of the danger lurking and stepped right into the mouth of a hungry-hungry bad wolf. Remember how she questioned the grandma’s big ears and sharp teeth? Could it have been the little girl’s first encounter with a wolf?
And I’m left to wonder; if sex wasn’t okay before, how does that processes in his head now? As with most believes, one would need to ignore what doesn’t suit and make little self-forgiving precedents.
Without ruling out the possibility that he finds someone that shares the same path, I will challenge that dating into adulthood, we open ourselves to others and their own priorities and insecurities, and possibly face lessons that’d be best never to have learned. The good and the bad, and we are all subject to them. Yes, even the nice guys. Like it or not, virgins such as my dear friend Manolo are mixing in with the rest, who most likely have done a lot more than he has. I seriously hope that he’s prepared to understand that the good guys may not want to hold off the way he expects and that shitty guys might pretend they are with maleficent purpose. Where is the guarantee that prince charming is a prude?
He’ll most likely make some mistakes that are his to figure out and learn a little about himself along the way . My opinion? Feeling so strongly about something you don’t actually understand sure keeps you in check, but is bound to get a little challenging at some point. Desires and grown up stuff. We all go through it and he’s opened up to me a few times about his struggle and I think that its a sign that he's maturing. Avoiding the subject doesn’t necessarily prepare you for the world we live in and makes it that much harder to be comfortable with or even understand what’s going on inside.
The recommendation I gave my friend? Do what feels right to you, you should say no at any time and leave the moment you start feeling uncomfortable. He knows that he has a friend in me. Sex is wonderful but should feel natural and not pressed. I rightfully should have added to take any of Sam’s advice lightly. He has a reputation for going all-in-or-nothing and usually with the wrong guys.
Make sure to read Volume 1 and get to know the gang.
Sonar Silverstud
Sex and Relationship Expert
BEACHWOOD Volume 1
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Check out Volume 1: "Taking it all off!"
